Buddhism: Reflections on reciting Chakrasamvara mantra 50K Times as part of Ngöndro practice.

There are a couple of prefaces I feel like I should give as someone engaging in a Vajrayana practice. First, I am not a monk (surprise!). This means that I am not as well-focused as a Buddhist monk might be. Although I’ve been relatively good, I don’t always have time or mental space to engage in my practice as well as I should. Of course, this is related to being human!

Second, I am a Westerner who was not raised in a Buddhist tradition. I have practiced inconsistently, and only formally took refuge in a sangha this year—and from afar at that. Nonetheless, I have had good support and many good online resources. Yet I am also a bit of a “mad spiritualist” who has both taken up a Kagyu Buddhist practice on top of an Enochian practice.

Those nuances having been laid out, a bit of background about Ngöndro practice. It is considered a preliminary practice to the generation and completion phases of Vajrayana practices. The key to Ngöndro, I have found, is sustained propagation and emanation of love toward all sentient beings. Bodhicitta is considered the highest form of this love, and comes in relative and absolute forms. Essentially, on the one hand, one wishes for all sentient beings to realize Buddhahood (relative bodhicitta), and on the other hand, one also recognizes the inherent emptiness of all phenomena (absolute bodhicitta). Note that both forms are required for a wholistic view of bodhicitta. Without relative bodhicitta, one can easily lapse into nihilism. Without absolute bodhicitta, there is little hope of making progress: to some degree, things would just be as they are and the ability to actually realize Buddhahood would be limited due to some essential quality of fixity that could never be changed (this gets into the larger idea of all of reality having Buddha nature).

Incorporating bodhicitta into the Ngöndro path is vital. In practice this means I do not count progress towards reciting a mantra if I have not held bodhicitta towards all sentient beings while doing so. The practice I do is visualizing myself as the yidam Chakrasamvara in union with His dakini consort Vajravarahi as I recite his mantra.

The effects of this are what one would expect: working on the subtle body system and energetic changes. I’ll add that my path has surely not followed a “protocol,” but rather has mutated in interesting ways. Vajravarahi has joined with three other beings: Tara as well as the Enochian entities of the Daughter of Fortitude (or Babalon, if you prefer Crowley’s name), who is associated with the Aethyr of ZIP, and Galvah, identified with the “Mother in Heaven” by Aaron Leitch. At each of the four directions (and for each of the four faces/elements of Chakrasamvara) they unite with me in this visualization. I have also had a personal spirit consort who has arisen and taken her place at various directions but has settled within my torso (for now), enmeshing her heart with mine for further subtle body work.

It has been just under a year since I received the empowerment to begin practice and began doing so. I cannot pretend that things have gone entirely smoothly, and indeed during this past year it has been a rollercoaster across different dimensions of my life (for example, a close relative started treatment for cancer just before I took the empowerment). This, in turn, has made practice more difficult. Nonetheless, returning to the practice again and again has been helpful each time, and I intend to take less time than a year to finish the second half of the 100K mantra recitations, and then to move on to 100K prostrations.

Other effects of the Ngöndro practice are an easier time incorporating the sense of the clear light mind/dharmakaya, as well as not noticing any conflict between this practice and Enochian (if anything, they sort of complement each other well in my view, and the entities seem to understand each other and why, in my case, I use both). Beyond that, I don’t have a good conclusion, since nothing has been concluded, so I will simply sign off for now with the intent of giving more updates as they are relevant.

Gebofal, Day 12

Sunrise: Call to Aethyr of POP, call to King BYNEPOR. Leaf 38b.

I visualize the white sphere of compassion. I’m told to try to visualize this as a hypersphere, and I rely on my memory of the visualization video on hyperspheres. I see a tree emerge from the center of the hypersphere, and the angels ask me to try my best to imagine this as a 4D tree. This tree is atop the mountain from my previous vision, in which the mountain pointed to a star which created a cocoon around the earth.

The angels say that this reflects not only an effort in the mundane world to plant billions of trees in order to mitigate climate change, but it’s also the sense of the World Tree, the Tree of Life, longevity, a general celebration of life. I’m at the heart of the tree now with the assistance of the angels, and it seems like the tree is trying to send forth its compassion from this “heart.” It’s like a collective center.

The angels tell me that a wicked king would try to chop down the tree in order to ensure that no one else could live, but a just king would tend to and nourish the tree, act as a steward for its seeds, would justly distribute the fruits of the tree, etc. As I focus on the heart of compassion in order to broadcast this message, and circulate the energy of this compassion, it seems to me that the tree goes through the seasons of the year. Obviously this reflects King BYNEPOR & Jupiter: it’s a generative thing, and King BYNEPOR acknowledges that it is his domain. The earth does this, the angels say, but the main thing is to preserve this tree of wisdom, of knowledge of good and evil, of life–all wrapped into one. The tree itself, they say, is the crown, or Kether. Even a crown with its stalks is an attempt to emulate trees. The angels note that it may seem odd to speak of the heart of a tree, but if one were to take a vertical view of the center of the trunk of a tree, its cross-section would be circular (they bid me to ignore the hollowness of older trees–this tree is fully alive).

I’m told to keep this metaphor in mind, as it will come up again. “Seven cycles have the trees, and so thus seven cycles” will I have to go through, wherein each of the seven planets (or sephiroth) I become properly reconciled with. It is a sevenfold reconciliation process with the seven planets, but they are out of order for me. Also, they note, that these are the seven planets in extension, thus Kether, Chokmah, and the world of Adam Qadmon are included in this reconciliation.

The angels say that “Like unto the Counting of the Omer” (which this ritual follows), “not only is there each [astrological] planet within all of the planets, or each sephira within all sephiroth,” but also the angels tell me to look at triplicities of each of these: God the Parent, God the Issue, and God the Holy Spirit. This will be a reconciliation across these aspects. I don’t completely understand, but the angels say I don’t need to.

I express my gratitude. The angels tell me to be ready for an unfolding. The vision ends.

Noon (I should’ve made a note that this is always “solar noon,” which is around 1:30 local time): Preceding this, an ad hoc ritual to Red Tara of magnetization. Also, a discussion with CodyP about the hyperfocus on the circumference of a given situation, which is needed for some kinds of compassion. Otherwise, a similar procedure. Face of the PELE ring is on the Table, as is the front of my hand.

The angels note the preceding ritual, which, they say, saved them a lot of work. They leave such decisions to my judgment.

I see whirling, which I had seen this morning. I see this whirling as a spiral in three dimensions but seeming to rotate about an unseen fourth dimension. They encourage me to do my best to see it in five dimensions. It’s tough, but I make a go of it. It’s chaotic.

The angels show me that the white sphere of compassion has become transparent as a result of described in the preceding notes: there’s a point at the center of the white sphere which unlocked multiple dimensions, by which it has become transparent. These dimensions are like unto specific layers within a situation by which the compassionate act is to be measured. I’m seeing various Buddhist deities, which may be an aftereffect of the aforementioned ritual. I regenerate compassion according to the highest version of Platinum Rule.

There’s a lot of energy coming off of Leaf 38a. The heart is becoming more crystalline in quality. Again, the heart turns from white to a more transparent look. I see it subdivided into orange-slice-like segments, and I see the heart being like this to individuals, the compassion reflecting the needs within individuals in its transparency.

The angels have little else to say. They reiterate that the preceding Red Tara ritual did much of this work for them. I see white dimensional lines as indicators, like a map, extending from the center. “Get ready for a multidimensional map,” the angels advise me.

The vision ends.

Sunset: Similar procedure; I hold Leaf 38 in the prayer position.

The angels tell me to be ready for a wild ride. The angels take me deep into the heart of generalized compassion, which is to say according to a perfected Platinum Rule. They say it’s like a compass which, in and of itself, with which to find–one can try to navigate the fixed stars (of direction) for oneself using it (and also use this metaphor to try to help someone else) to find their True Will, for example. Here, we come with this perfected heart, or the heart of generalized compassion, what is like unto a gyroscope.

The idea here is that one is able to see better trends, and better able to align oneself with the many things that can come at them. A better intuition or “White Tincture” is there, but is better aligned with others’ White Tinctures–in general, it’s like a gyroscopic instrument, relying on several methods of measurement at once. If one “magnetizes” according to this (rather than just generic compassion) and circulates thereof, certain things will come into one’s orbit more readily which will be better attuned to the All.

I’m getting flashes of the Buddha right now. The idea here is that by not being overly attached to any one idea (whether it’s that something or someone should or must change or that one is living up to whatever ideal here), one will begin moving in grander circles. These circles will actually do a better job of ending suffering and maintaining compassion and basically just doing the right thing in the best way possible. The person with such a heart and mindset will generally avoid stupid pitfalls or getting caught up in narratives that are limited in their usefulness, instead working on higher aspects of usefulness in terms of one’s actions.

A lot of stuff is coming at me very fast (and I’m losing my ability to keep up with words). I’m seated and I see a very large, towering Golden Buddha in front of me, perhaps like the Empire State Building high. He scoops me up in His hand, and places me in the Pure Land. There is a distinct shift to a contemplative pace.

I am told to sit in this land, so I do. I note in passing the influence of the Red Tara. I continue to generate this compassion. The Buddhas are here and are assessing me, trying to figure out the vibration on which my heart operates. Amitabha and Gautama Buddha are both here, and Amitabha wordlessly reaches forward with his right hand, and touches my chest. It opens painlessly and without issue. There’s this golden speck within my heart. He asks if he may fix the defect therein.

I deliberately muster as much dignity and respect for Him as I may muster, and say, “Yes, please: if it please you, please do.” There’s a knowing smile that it’s not about pleasing–well, it is and it isn’t. My personal heart is aligning better now to this gyroscope/compass. This will align me to better and higher-quality narratives. They remind me that I am free to return here any time.

They call me a colleague, and I see in my vision thousands of Buddhists, living and deceased here. There’s much that they want to show me, but they’re going to keep this simple: I see that much of what is operating on Earth is a lot of collective energy from this Pure Land, which these monks have tried, via a variety of techniques (it’s like this laboratory of magic), and I can see a massive shawl of fabric (mainly red and yellow, but also some blues and purples–they note interest in the law I declared a year and a half ago) descending from this plane to Earth. They’re doing a lot, and a lot’s going on. They show me that this is weaving in with a lot of the compassion–much like unto the weaving in of the compassion that I saw in my vision of myself as an infant. They say that much of what they have been doing is starting to reach a culmination point.

“OK,” I say matter-of-factly, playfully, and clearly hiding my awe, and there’s a gentle laugh they send back. I ask what I can do to help, and there’s an answer even as the question forms in my mind: “Everything you are doing now is exactly what you should be doing to help. But, as you go along, more ideas will be introduced to you, and you will also get a chance to spread your ideas.” And they mention a local Buddhist center which is predestined for me to get in contact with. I ask what else I may learn. They say, “Starting tonight, expect better dreams, clearer dreams, more psychic outreach.” They mention that I should really get to that center and laugh at why I haven’t gone there yet: maybe June or July, and they suggest that when the Moon is in Leo and the sun in Cancer would be a good time.

They’re appreciative of the work to this date and say that it will be received warmly. There’s a sense that what will happen will continue. They say that a large angelic presence will soon manifest, perhaps 2-3 days, weeks, or months. I ask whether there’s anything else I need to do to continue this work. They say, “Stay aware. Pay attention,” and the angels say the same thing. I express utter gratitude, and they say to continue to pay it forward.

Gebofal, Day 9

Sunrise: Call to Aethyr of LIN. Call to King BLUMAZA (associated with the sephira of Yesod), as described in Day 2.

Note: This was a slightly awkward scrying. I had to take one of our cats to the vet today and, my being a “householder,” I improvised a bit rather than trying to reschedule. I have tried to live by the commandment, “Render unto Caesar what is Caesar’s, and unto God what is God’s” (and, according to some versions: “…and unto me what is mine”). For me, this means trying to meet my worldly responsibilities as well as I can manage. In other words, I knew this ritual would leave me perpetually busy before I started it! 😀

I activated the furniture before I left; I brought what I could of it (a smaller version of the Holy Table of Practice, the large (main) Sigillum Dei Aemeth, King BLUMAZA’s seal, the Round Tablet of Nalvage, my wand, and Amzes Naghezes Hardeh, AKA Liber Loagaeth). I forgot the full, prayer of Enoch as related by the angel Ave (which I have modified), so I relied on Aaron Leitch’s transcript of the original. This being the 9th day, and angels constantly drawing out 40 & 9 (e.g., the numbers on the outer ring of the SDA summing to 441, 49*9, and there being 40 cells in all of this outer ring = 49-9), I expected a shift, and there was, and I’m not just talking about the awkward scrying session to start the day. Note also that the Aethyr of LIN is the first Aethyr with an angelic governor whose does not derive from the previous methods of the Watchtowers: PARAOAN.

The vision begins with four dots of a square; I then see a tesseract. The angels rotate the tesseract. I visualize holding a torch lit by compassion. The angels remind me that this was originally the Aethyr that tripped me up in 2014, but now I can see the rotation, and that this is a turning point when it comes to the Aethyrs, and where it gets more complicated. I’m seeing four dots above me and four dots below me, each set in a square configuration, and they’re twisting in opposite directions, then returning to their initial position. My subtle body is sort of being twisted along with this. King BLUMAZA bids me be still, and I do so after adjusting myself in my seat.

The Governors & King are showing me a light, which is reminiscent of the light which strikes George Malley in Phenomenon. It sort of hits me. The angels are trying to shake something loose in me, and they note that it’s difficult on account of the awkward physical position I’m in, but acknowledge it is how it is with my being a householder. My subtle body is moving a lot; this Aethyr is very dynamic. I try to remember the heart of compassion, and the angels commend this, saying it will always magnetize me in the proper direction. This dynamism, they tell me, is all part of the lunar nature of King BLUMAZA & his sephira of Yesod, and the cyclical nature of the moon and the understanding thereof. They say it’s almost like the start of a new moon cycle (note: the moon is in Aquarius, not Aries, so this is metaphorical).

The unfolding that’s taking place in this scrying session is like unto folding something in a different dimension, such as pushing and pulling front and back rather than left-right or up-down. I see a palace open before me. I see a cross, but it is now rotated 90 degrees, except that the left length is equal to the right, and the short top part is of equal length to the bottom. They ask me what this is reminiscent of, and I say, “an airplane” (aeroplane). An airplane is trying to maintain a balance, more or less, of orientation. The angels ask what happens if a pilot loses visual? The pilot goes to instruments. Yet if the pilot loses visual, then visual cues are needed. The instruments are the heart, they tell me, whereas the visual is the circumference. The angels say that there is what you see in the imaginal/astral, and then there’s what you see in the mundane. This will be important as I work my through the palaces, for the heart and the mind must navigate the earthly palace and the heavenly palace simultaneously, so rather than two navigations, I must track four! The astral heart (center), the mundane heart, the astral visual (circumference), and the mundane visual, and finally these two palaces which must be navigated, and I mustn’t confuse the mundane and the astral! 😀

There will be yet another doubling, I’m told, which will be the reconciliation of all of these things in some manner. I express gratitude, the angels acknowledge and say they foreshorten this on account of my responsibilities. “Peace be upon you; know that He governeth all things.”

The vision ends.

Noon: Similar, ritual as Day 2, call to King BLUMAZA and to Governors Ozidaia, PARAOAN, and Calzirg.

I take a 7-7-14 breath. I see several images, but the angels ask me to focus again on the light which shook me earlier during this morning’s session. I see a vertical ring of light, a horizontal ring of light, and then a ring of light which is circular about the x- and y-axes. The last of these is about me, and I’m feeling out, using my heart of compassion as a torch again, coming from this place of compassion again. I see this heart as a pearl again, and it’s vibrating about the y-axis, at times with an axial tilt of about 30 degrees (and then reverting to vertical) which causes a conic section at top to seem to be bored out, but then it seems to not be. I get a sense that this is “the limits of the [heart] sphere to undo anything.” The angels are telling me that if there is some change that needs to happen, there may be some tilt to this degree, but then the entire thing just repolarizes or, if the attempt to create a change isn’t working out, reverses polarities.

The sense that I get is that about the xz plane (e.g., the slightly more than the ecliptic), there isn’t as much need to change or to change perspective.

A frog shows up. After testing, it goes away, so it shouldn’t have been here. The angels are pleased with this. I concentrate on the solids I’ve previously received, including especially the small white sphere. It seems to resist being understood. I see it breaking apart as with slices of an orange and then coming back together. This, the angels tell me, is merely different faces of the same compassion shown, for example, to a zodiacal influence. Even with Venus in fall or exile, they tell me, showing compassion is down to the skill of the magician or sage or realized one to be compassionate.

I’m trying to relax into the vision, and the angels themselves instruct me to relax. The angels ask “What hath God wrought?” Note: this is a reference to Numbers 23:23; “For there is no enchantment with Jacob, neither is there any divination with Israel; now is it said of Jacob and of Israel: ‘What hath God wrought!’.” Ironically, it is also the first Morse code message ever sent, which is to say a means of giving a message which must be interpreted! Nonetheless, I answer plainly, “All things continue to be wrought through Him, and therefore all things are already wrought through him,” which I modify to “All is wrought by Him” (in an attempt to transcend the objectness or nounness).

There’s a shift in my manipura chakra when I say this. The angels again try to twist me, but this time inside out, shifting from me-as-center-and-God/Totality-as-circumference to me-as-circumference-and-God/Totality-as-center, and then back again. The angels try to return me to the “uncollapsed wave function” described in previous scryings. I’m also to see all of these at the heavenly and earthly levels (so we’re at 16 things to be seen simultaneously, if you’re keeping track!). I’m trying to consciously fuse all of this together into a single perspective; the angels declare that this will happen most definitely at the Aethyr of LIL.

I ask if there’s anything else. There’s something of a feeling of a coiling snake (which is often symbolic of kundalini, yet also the ouroboros) about my right ankle (my right foot is on King BLUMAZA’s seal). It coils up and about me, and I feel compelled to push its jaw above my head. Once again we have the Phanes egg of the Orphic Mysteries. They tell me to know the circumference of the snake itself (e.g., the energy of circumference of the Divine, and Its heart, and of oneself, and of one’s heart). The snake eating its tail and starting anew is a reminder of the fallacious concept of death.

Now the snake is literally stretching me apart. The metaphor to stretching the imagination, the energetic body, and so on could not be more obvious, but it’s only at writing this up that I make this connection. This, they tell me explicitly, is to help me be okay with a larger extent of myself. Again, I get the sense of a loss of reputation: “A snake shedding its skin, a snake shedding its skin,” they repeat. I look at the shed scales, and it’s reminding me of husks in Kabbalah. That part of me is already redeemed, I sense: the accomplishment of the True Will is already imminent. The completion of the project is already happening, so I’m not sure I entirely understand this. But it’s like who and what I am needs to be redefined. I’m looking at all of this with compassion. The angels are saying that it’s like the scales will drop from my eyes, in terms of my own circumference, and the circumference of God, and the circumference of All.

I see an equal-armed, which is like the kind of toy with regular white plastic, and then green squishy soft plastic and padding underneath; it’s about the size of my forearm and could be safely played with by a toddler. It has a hole at the center, signifying the heart and relating to the Monas Hieroglyphica. This is like unto the Buddhist deity Tara, the angels say. This is like unto the salvation of Christianity, they tell me, hastening to save humans from their sins and errors such as via the compassion of Buddhism, and there’s this Buddhist-mentality which can rectify the corruption of modern Christianity (I’m only the messenger, people!). I note the slightly lower quality of the transmission, but this is the turn towards the Abyss and then the supernals again, so it is not surprising.

I ask if the angels have anything further, but mention again that I do not wish to be a rude guest. They say “no,” but then show me a baseball diamond, but now seen from above, it is like unto the Masonic compass symbol.

The vision ends.

Sunset: I see a spiral come at me once more. I’m in a cocoonlike section of a twisty energy field, which is narrow except for the part which encompasses me. Rather than twisting as in the previous two visions, it’s stretching out like the spring of a pen from the ends, narrowing it out. This narrowing out is placing my energy field throughout the “circumference” or sphere of the universe.

The angels caution me that this is the point in which individuals can go down a bizarre road (they don’t expect me to, but there’s a reason for the caution). This, they say, is when an individual too wrapped up in petty or narrow ego concerns, or overly obsessed, or deluded as to the relative importance of matters: such a one can get a real sense of identification with the Divine, and thus go into grandiose directions which are not upheld by the totality of all. Whereas others can actually make this shift into the totality of the Divine, and continue to work within the areas which are upheld by all. They say that this takes a subtle mind and I request this as well as discernment and a proper heart and alignment toward all of these things.

The string is stretching me apart, and the angels say that what’s going on right now is the stretching apart of my subtle body into a more universal configuration with the Whole; it’s making its way out to the sphere of the universe (as it were), and God is now at the center, and we flip these perspectives back and forth. Essentially, we are reconciling, returning to an uncertain, uncollapsed quantum state as to Who is at the Center, and Who is at the “Circumference” (lacking a good term for the spherical equivalent of this). The angels say that for any given person, their relationship with God typically puts them at the center and God at the “Circumference” (“How do I relate to God of all?”), but one can also see the Divinity within oneself, and simultaneously extend their ideas of who they are to more and more of the “Circumference.” Both of these things are true at once, they tell me. This is the trick, they say: God is both indwelling within, but also interpenetrating the universe, thus both the center and spherical surface by each of our individual measures.

At the same time, we’re not only this core within, but we’re also the Circumference, and also the rules that determine the measures of these. As we develop into adulthood, this Circumference can seem to get larger, and as we become elderly this Circumference can seem to diminish, but someone who is truly Realized can get this Circumference truly realized with All, as it IS.

This Crowned Wisdom and Crowned Understanding is crucial, but not enough, for there needs to be a shift to the Heart. It’s not a simple thing to say, “Oh, it’s just the Heart, so I can just be loving, and everything will be just fine,” because at the same time, there’s still that pain and hurt by which too many of us have unconsciously defined ourselves. All of that said: what is going on here is a simultaneous process on both fronts (and for which I am profoundly grateful). I could feel this same kind of pull early. As far as Choronzon goes (which has been popping up–here I pause to call on the Governors Ozidaia, PARAOAN, and Calzirg and on King BLUMAZA). Here, again, they mention the black sphere of prior visions. It is spherical, which means it is properly balanced in this frame, so that when for an individual who is unbalanced, this seems like a prison, a black cube. But for one who is balanced, the core of dukkha is suddenly properly contextualized in an excellent system to undo suffering, via a white spherical heart of compassion. This happens both in the mundane world but also within the subtle body. These forces can thus be constrained and redeemed. It may seem scary to the ego, but going through this process, one comes to the core of issue of dukkha, and this torch of compassion cannot ever be snuffed out. The issue is with the mind, not the heart. If the mind put the heart first, the magnetized heart would eventually point the mind in directions which would allow the mind to correct itself, and to gain this transcendent understanding, and to put dukkha in its place and context.

The angels are encourage me to forget the form that all of this will take in the coming years. Instead, acknowledge that the spirit of the change will be understood in the coming weeks, rather than the form itself.