Gebofal, Day 27

Sunrise: Call to Aethyr of PAZ. Call to King Baligon.

I relax and concentrate on the lotus-rose. The angels note that this is an incremental step as I approach the event horizon of the portal to the world of Adam Qadmon, which appears to me as a black hole.

Continuing to concentrate on the lotus-rose, the angels show it becoming circular, like an ouroboros, spinning around. “This is how the the flower emerged from your heart, is it not?” the angels ask. I agree, in the sense that the stem of flower emerged from the blossom of the preceding flower, repeatedly. The angels say that there will be this circulation within the lotus-rose itself. There will be suffering leading to transcendence, which will lead to suffering and then further transcendence.

Yet the suffering itself, they’re saying, is something that can be relatively avoided in the mundane realm just by continuously giving yourself “oomph” to follow rules and behave appropriately such that suffering can be transcended (such as seen in the symbolism of the white cube). I note difficulty concentrating, but the angels remind me to simply focus on this lotus-rose of my heart, and the distraction will go away.

I see this lotus-rose now being like unto a torus, simplifying now into a jewel about the lotus-rose (note the parallel to the famous Buddhist mantra, Om Mani Padme Hum). The angels say that once you get this, that it’s all sort of “one thing…you’ve been making this distinction between the thorny stem and the blossom. But it is One Thing: it is a Beautiful, sometimes Wonderful, sometimes Heart-Aching sort of thing, and the Heart Aching indicates the Heart, and that It is Alive.” So the Heart Aching as such is–and here I recall the death of my late mother-in-law–the Heart Aching is…and I’m trying to come to terms with something really big here.

“The Heart Aching,” the angels are saying, “is the Condition of the Heart. Though the armor about it is Empty, this pain is normal, this pain is okay. And the condition of Reality leading up to the heart being like This, is okay. And all of this can be concentrated into this Divine Bloom of the flower itself, the Okayness of It All, the Divinity of It All, and the Transcendent Nature that allows it to happen such as This. All of it is okay, all of it can be concentrated.”

So even though it seems as if “the Jewel is in the Heart of the Lotus,” truly, the jewel itself is the lotus, is what the angels are saying, and it’s part of Understanding the depth of Adam Qadmon, which is a journey you shall take and fulfill and complete. That is the Beauty of the Journey. So that’s it: the angels note that I’m a little bit closer in my orbit to the portal; this Realm is a little big closer. All of this is the sphere [spherical consciousness], the angels are just keeping me a little bit off, keeping me at bay. They really want everything to attune, so this is something that I need to reflect on. I thank the angels, and they have nothing further.

Thus ends the vision.

Noon: Similar procedure. I called on King Baligon twice.

I concentrate on the lotus-rose as an Ouroboros, as well as a jewel, as described in the previous Aethyr. I steady myself.

I see two square pyramids, connected by a tube, and all of them appear to be be made out of dough; the tube is already tied into a knot. “Consider the force which ties this knot. This is the force of Ain, and the duality, you’ve seen this already, when you scried your own rainbow body using the call of the Aethyrs.” This knot, they say, can be considered like unto sphericity (of LIL), or the double-sphere arising out of the torus.

“Yet, there’s something nice and squishy about this, isn’t there? So that only if you were rather skilled could you even see that this was caused by a single force which created the illusion of duality, then united it, and then unfolded it throughout separate sephiroth.” So I’m wondering about the nature of these two pyramid-like, or tetrahedron-like (and here they tell me that they are tetrahedra). Here we have, once again, an ogdoad (two tetrahedra times four faces per tetrahedron), becoming an ennead (via the connecting tube), which perhaps could be considered a decad (due to the new shape created by the knot). So you have this reflection of the ten sephiroth, even in the world of Adam Qadmon.

I’m curious as to what this means. If everything is squishy, there’s an infinity with this. I try hard to understand this deeply. I let my heart work on this problem. The angels say, “Note that what you’re seeing as an ouroboros: this is the same kind of thing. It’s a symbol of continuity, much like a Möbius strip, or a Klein bottle (which may be a better explanation). It’s this twisting about itself. The reason you’re seeing it as seemingly separate forces is because you’ve already seen it as such (when I scried my rainbow body previously, I saw two jewels which mirrored each other), but also,” and here they bid me pause for a moment, “Think about this. This is three dimensions about three dimensions, coming upon itself. This is like unto the present state/earth on the left, the goal state/heaven on the right, and the transformation in the middle, so time is locked in as well. But it’s all one thing.

“It’s all one thing, and it’s a multiplicity of things.” And I feel like I’m very close to grokking this and they chuckle, “not just yet, but this is very important. This is a very potent symbol for you, because you’re very excited by this, and you want to know what it is, and that’s okay. That’s good.”

I take a look at the symbol, and I see it extending down, and now it seems like a bunch of pencils tied together with a rubber band in the middle, the other end of which is dangling from the ceiling. This point at which the rubber band meets the ceiling is the portal into the world of Adam Qadmon. “If you just take this heart of compassion and aim it directly at this symbol, you’ll see that this is the same thing. On the one hand if you twist it together, it’s the jewel, on the other hand if you were to take it apart, you could see one end being like unto the thorny end of the lotus-rose, and the other end like unto the bloom thereof. It’s all the same thing: all is one, all is one, all is one.”

The angels leave me with all of this to contemplate. I ask whether there’s anything else, and the angels bid me pause and to consider this dough-symbol floating in water–not dissolving, just floating.

The vision ends.

Sunset: Similar procedure.

I’m feeling fairly high right now. The angels tell me to relax and to speed up the entire process going from the previous symbolism to the lotus-rose to the jewel. I feel the gem now in its fullness; at first it seems to have an amber or reddish-orange tinge, but now I see green flashing in it, and the angels suggest that I add indigo and blues, and I see now: the jewel is a rainbow jewel. The angels remind me that the lights can come from the realm of Adam Qadmon in their fullness, but that they can be seen in Chokmah, and indeed, this is the final Aethyr of this sephirah. At its most developed they shine through to me now, they say. One need not have completely entered the realm of Adam Qadmon to see them this way, but having an opening into it is important in order to shine in your fullness (suggestive of a complete opening into Chokmah and a necessary step to develop the rainbow body).

Now I’m feeling a lot of energy coming off of the leaf, and it’s trying to tell me something, so I listen. I feel my crown chakra being pulled upward, an uncharacteristically strong energetic feeling for this Aethyr. It’s like this is the initiation, the re-initiation into Kether (the angels remind me that a prior sigil of mine with the intent of “I reinitiate into Kether” was, in fact, still active). The angels say, “Be prepared, be ready, Son of Man, Son of God, Son of Earth! This be the final vision of Chokmah unto you. Know this: that the different elements and the different spacings [of (space-time) points], that one may find as one abideth in the realm of Adam Qadmon: these can always shift and change! It is important to be fully immersed in the Understanding in order to be fully immersed in the Wisdom.

“Behold, this vision (from noon, of the dough shape), which you have seen in its tetrahedral format: this steeping of it in the water can be considered like unto the fullness of Ain and Ain Soph. For within the Ain is the Ain Soph, and that fullness containeth within it the Infinite Light, which you see before you, twisted into this shape, twisted into this Present-Future state, which is always, always, always bound both by time, but, indeed, by the supernals as a whole. And so, know this, Son of Man, Son of God, Son of Earth: the richness of this symbol will continue to unfold itself to you. For now, it seemeth like dough: tomorrow it shall not seem quite so. It shall take on a greater significance and a new symbolic meaning. Rest now easy, Son of Man, Son of God, Son of Earth! No more can be said unto you directly, but all of these things shall be open unto you in the very few weeks left remaining.

“Much love upon thee: go now in peace. Serve the Lord.”

With this, the vision ends.

Gebofal, Day 24

Sunrise: Call to Aethyr of DEO (dee-oh). Call to King Babalel via Stenwick’s method.

The angels have me relax. I see a swirling. The angels have me recall the spiral within the pyramid which ultimately compressed into the symbol of the lotus-rose. The lotus-rose, they say, has its own type of magnetization, and to hold this very dear to the heart. I do so, and this creates the perception of the line to the “black hole” portal of the world of Adam Qadmon. The portal seems even bigger to me now.

I ask the governors and kings about this portal. “Look, you are making this leap,” they chuckle, “it’s not like you can help it.” I can feel the realm of Adam Qadmon pulling at my heart now, like it’s literally magnetized toward it. I feel this force pulling me towards it. “It’s not to be done right now,” the angels advise, “so continue to feel the force and honor it.”

The angels wish to show me this stellation which I recall from the previous Aethyr, and as it relates to Binah and to Chokmah. The angels explicitly lay it out for me: the stellation can be considered like unto the force of Chokmah. This force, in my case or view: I’ve always been fairly literal about Chokmah. The angels say, “Look, if you’re looking for Kaos, the deity, in it, the truth of the matter is that you are highly ordered. Kaos is not, at least in the way that you consider it. In terms of it trying to be this expression of this projective [formerly “masculine”] principle, note that this is different from the willful principle of Mars,” which the angels themselves separate out from Geburah. All of these things need to be distinguished from each other.

“But this projective principle, this cosmic principle,” they’re saying, as they redirect me to focus on this principle in spite of my heart being pulled toward the world of Adam Qadmon. The angels show me a point, which, by definition means that its existence is in distinction to all other points. It still demands its “day in court,” its “due,” as it were. That’s it, and all of it. That point demands its distinction among all other things, and all points in space does this, hence there’s this force of Kaos.

The angels now say, “Let’s look at how this relates to stellation. The force of a collection of points, or a system (such as an individual) itself: it orders itself and demands its ‘day in court,’ therefore a central point is somewhat able to organize all other points about it.” It’s able to create an organization about itself, the angels clarify, so that we don’t spend too much time about dominance and subservience, though there is a bit of that in this schema by necessity. But the entire system is agreeing to it, so it’s not horrific to consider.

Of course, Binah, throughout time, is very accepting of this situation, but is Sorrowful for the suffering which can occur which is a natural outgrowth of the loss of realization of one’s own Divinity. My heart feels pulled again towards the world of AQ, and the angels chuckle, and say, “OK, so consider this now, as one approaches that world: by definition, any individual point at the very least requires or causes all of these other points to become equidistant from itself [as the point reacquires spherical consciousness]. Instead of a monarch with the dukes, duchesses, and lower classes such as counts, the monarch in this case develops sphericity these classes (and indeed the center and area of the sphere become interchangeable), and equally so, because of the infinite light, because all light is infinite.

I ask how this relates to colors. The angels reply, “Various colors, various formations of the heart, that particular point of the heart. Consider the colors and the emotions of the heart. All of these are natural outgrowths, because the point or the system of points, though it requires its ‘day in court,’ nonetheless, if it is approaching this Kether point [sphericity of consciousness]–approaching itself, even (this is why the sun and Tiphareth are in the Middle Pillar)–as the heart approaches another being or situation, the heart itself in the fullness of its situation attempts to grok another being or situation or point. As it does so, it naturally has this reaction to this other being, for it sees flashes of this other being’s infinity. The same emotions that it sees, it begins to reflect in itself, and vice versa. It emits its own feeling and it becomes reflected back.

The angels say that I can remain magnetized to the world of Adam Qadmon, this is natural, especially as I approach the halfway point of his ritual. The angels say that the energy raised will be like unto Zeno’s paradoxes, but in my case the energy produced will double for every half (and half of the half, and half of the half of the half) of the ritual to remain(!!).

I express my gratitude, and the vision ends.

Noon: Similar procedure. Mild panic attack in the morning, clonazepam to treat.

I relax. I see different elements of geometry. As I do so, I hold onto the symbol of the lotus-rose, hold on to the geometry of the square pyramid/octahedron; I see the image of it extend backward fractally, and forward fractally, covering all of the different bases along a line, which is the line to approach the world of Adam Qadmon. I try very hard to stay in the moment, and again open up to the angels. They are holding this lotus-rose and bend it.

I decide to read the call to the Aethyr again, just to ensure a clear and unambiguous transmission. The angels say that this was necessary, because they had something bigger to show me, and energetically I wasn’t quite in the right spot (note: sometimes even an experienced practitioner will need to make the same call twice). I see and feel a twisting motion, as if you rotated your shoulders clockwise and then counterclockwise. I sense that this is doing something to my subtle body system.

I hold on to the lotus rose and see the angels again–it’s like they’re stroking the tops of the petals of the bloom, and this indicates that this vision is approaching towards the inner part of LIL, the inner sanctum of of the lotus-rose bloom. The angels show me that this twisting rose motion (and here I see a roller coaster ride): this is all of the points, they say, seeking their day in court, their day of reckoning and appropriate judgment, which in this metaphor means deciding what something is, and being judged in the sense that there’s understanding of what a point is and the uniqueness of that thing. Babalon can accept all over time, but the Wisdom is the inner Knowing of something that allows one to project out into their (unique) ways on account of knowing their own very nature, and knowing it fully. Also, this extends in a very extraordinary sense, to knowing it in relation to all other things.

It’s by this that we get principles which for the most part work, but there are always exceptions because, although whole knows any unique point perfectly, other points in the system do not. Hence, individual Chokmah laws break down. I see each of these individual points about the line, which due to other entities are really curves like on a rollercoaster track (i.e., about the many consciousnesses, spherical and cubical, which these lines navigate). There’s a sense of needing to twist, which allows a new configuration of all of the points of the path that one is in, but also a new configuration of the points of consciousness that individuals move to spherically integrate into one’s system.

Just looking at this unfold along this track, it’s like I wait for the vision to pop open; I see a featherlike object cross another one, and it’s like someone who has been holding these swiftly makes extending motions with their arms all is part of a Y formation. The configuration of all of the points which contain these two different feathers becomes reconfigured, and thereby allows for a better and more intelligent and heart-focused unfolding across all of the points involved. (Typing this up, I think this is about individuals contextualizing different laws from different spiritual systems and how well they feel they apply to their own lives).

In order for Space and Time to operate appropriately together, there thus needs to be this appropriate meeting.

I try to see what else may be here. I’m not seeing it right now. I feel a bit of a shift to my muladhara chakra (likely healing to my root chakra). Other than that, it’s like this is being integrated a little bit. I ask the angels whether they in their mercy may have anything else for me. They say, “Let’s leave this here for now; there is time enough to go through the remainder of this Aethyr and the remaining Aethyrs. Go ahead and rest up, Son of Man, Son of God, Son of Earth: we will speak with you more shortly.”

The vision ends.

Sunset: Similar procedure.

I hold on to the lotus-rose and now it seems that I’m riding a dragon; much like holding on to a large lotus-rose would, its scales cut me. I am bleeding.

I get off the dragon and alight upon a square, which is the base of the square pyramid, which I’m also seeing as part of the sphere as in previous visions. They’re showing me this pyramid rising up more steeply, and it’s part of the stellation. The angels are trying to relate the two things together: the pain of interacting with another being (geometrically, multiple systems of points causing degradation of these systems), but also the pain of being true to oneself: these two ideas are combined in this vision.

The blood relates to Spirit elementally; the angels are saying that this is a preview of looking ahead to Days 31-48, after the Aethyr of LIL, to the Watchtowers, as I get into elemental work. The first and second spoken Enochian calls or keys (the 2nd & 3rd, technically), which I prayed for guidance on: for the second spoken key relates to calling in of entities into this form of Spirit.

The angels explicitly say that it’s important to relate how Spirit and the elements relate to Chokmah and Binah. This is a little difficult for me to see on account of the geometry of the Aethyrs being quite enticing on their own. Nonetheless, the angels note that in making the distinction between two points, and all of which goes into causing two points to be distinguished in a variety of manners, the four elements map on to the Standard Model of Physics as follows:

Blood as a metaphor for spirit combines these things to a degree. It most closely resembles water, yet takes broken down fruits of the earth and distributes them via fiery like pumping action of the heart and also redistributes air. As water causes the parts of the nucleus to settle down into itself, it causes the points of the nucleus to be difficult to distinguish, weak force causes the points of the atom to be more readily distinguished, the force of electromagnetism causes the flourishing of manifest light in all its varieties, but also the grosser movements, and affects the paths of the points, and the unfolding thereof, and finally gravity causes all points to remain on this curved, yet otherwise even, playing field (note: I think this relates specifically to the surface of a planet).

I feel some energy come up from the seal of King Babalel: he’s trying to say that the planetary difference here is a distinction between Will as a chemical separation of Mars. The angels add that the astrological movement of the planets, fixed though they may be and nearly impossible to change, they themselves are arising out of this elemental mix. So although an emanative model of Kabbalah tends to have a one-way direction from the world to Atziluth to Briah to Yetzirah (which, as I took away from Modern Magick, can be thought of where the elements form before reaching the world of Assiah), there’s a co-arising of the planets out of the action of the elements, going up and down each of the worlds.

The vision ends.

Gebofal, Day 23

Sunrise: Call to Aethyr of ZID. Call to King Blumaza; Governors Zamfres, Todnaon, and Pristac; and Zodiacal Kings Gebabal, Olpaged, and Zarzilg.

I have compassion towards all I see. Now I see a white door; the door bends back into a spherical form, as a reminder of what needs to be done in terms of compassion towards suffering. I see the psychedelically colored sphere of fixed stars, and now I see it turn into an eyeball (which I’ve seen many times in these post-ZIP Aethyrs), which is reminiscent or often one of hundreds upon the Whale of God.

God is saying directly to me now: “This will become an increasingly purified vision of the spheres of Binah, Chokmah, and of Kether, and ultimately of the spheres of Adam Qadmon. Listen very closely now, my Son.” And I see a 3D stellation, a preview of the future Aethyrs (or a review of them, as I’ve been through the Aethyrs before). It’s like God is showing me this, and (my speech becomes rapid now) I’m within this eye, this psychedelic eye. And this stellated sphere is like unto the force of Chokmah, and it’s causing all of these different colors to appear (within the eye), and yet it is also reflecting them, but as one gets closer and closer in their approach to Kether, to LIL, then the stellation becomes even more so and more spherical, and ultimately rounded and more and more like unto the perfection of Kether itself. And these Two become One: yea, the Mind and Heart of God become as one.

The energy of this sphere is much higher than I recall it being, requiring much more concentration! I am compressing in all subsequent Aethyrs (except LIL) here. I see a cylinder rotating across the edge of a disc at an angle, scraping as it goes. These are the two forces again, Binah and Chokmah, and yet their interaction in this way is a reflection of Kether itself, which itself is all it can be on account of the world of Adam Qadmon. I see the motion of Chokmah; it becomes like unto a torus (note that a cylinder can be curved into a torus). It rotates into itself, becoming spherical. The disc itself also becomes a torus, and both of them rotate about themselves in this manner, becoming a double-joined sphere unto itself.

I’m having compassion for my ignorance and confusion, and I allow the fullness of this rainbow body to appear. The Divine seizes upon this and says, “All of this motion is the rainbow body. All of this vision is the rainbow body. Everything like unto what you have ever seen is like unto the rainbow body. This force, something that must become accepted within all of you, throughout, throughout your entire being: know this, that, yea, even the struggles that you’re feeling right now continue to be a mark of PRONOA of the Divine upon you. And so, continue your best, continue this effort, continue to work through everything so that you may know this PRONOA in its fullness. For, yea, one who knows this PRONOA in its absolute fullness need do nothing else, for one liveth continuously in the Love of the Divine.”

I ask the angels whether they have anything else. They say, “No, the Divine Himself has spoken to you! We dare not say anything in addition to this.”

With that, the vision ends.

Noon: Similar procedure. I began recording before having called on the zodiacal kings and governors, but that has been addressed.

I crank up the compassion as much as I can for everything about me, including the grand principles from the previous vision. Once again I see this stellated star, and I ask the angels, “Please, what have you all to show me?” and the star seems to come toward me, and then float away, but then towards me again, and away again.

I see this stellation revolving about what appears to be a black hole. The message is that this is the portal into the realm of Adam Qadmon, and that there is unbounded light within. “Think of a black hole, how there is infinite [i.e., measureless/maoffas] light within it: for indeed, none can escape.” I find this very interesting, and it really touches my heart in this interesting way. This is a resolution between the force of Ain (and indeed, black holes have much force to them!), and yet, at the same time, there is infinite light within it (for all intents and purposes). If one were to enter a black hole, one would experience “infinity,” so to speak.

I think about what it would be like to enter this, and I see myself stretching out like spaghetti. However, there is some part of my heart that really wants to be guided by this experience of entering the black hole. This is “beyond the beyond” in this way. I decide to try to generate compassion. “How can one circulate the infinite?” is the question that comes to me. “How can one circulate the infinite,” the question repeats.

“How can one circulate the infinite?”

I have no words for this. “Indeed there are no words, Son of Man, Son of God, Son of Earth.” “How can one circulate the infinite,” I repeat the question. “The Infinite already is, and therefore, it need not be circulated. Indeed, one only needs to be magnetized to it.” This seems simpler to my mind and to my heart, and I simply allow such magnetism to be.

And that seems to be the answer. Instead of doing, one simply allows itself to be as it is. There’s this long, infinite line which emerges from this reflection, and it tends to want to wrap itself into a circle, but indeed, it is infinite! And it is only bound within this circular frame, but if one were to enter it [as it is], then one would become like this line of spaghetti that Stephen Hawking talked about.

This is very wonderful! This is the portal into the realm of Adam Qadmon; it’s showing up and looming larger with each advance along this path. I express my gratitude. It’s as if everything is indescribable.

“And that is enough,” the angels say. Here ends the vision.

Sunset: Similar procedure.

The pace is picking up, and this is a highly metaphorical vision. Between the last session and this, I note that the colors of a rainbow as a whole must exist as measureless light which is unseen due to the gravity of a black hole, and of course this should have a parallel in the infinite light in the world of Adam Qadmon. The angels encourage me, saying, “Yes! Now consider how this dynamic of light, of stellation (of later Aethyrs), and ultimately of sphericity (of LIL) should continue like this, within this black hole.” Specifically: “Consider the clouds”–of flashing colors of LIL, within which hovered a silver sphere–“and how these represent this amorphous, difficult-to-grasp, intangible, this ‘how-can-I-even-get-here’ light from a black hole! Because one can’t actually go in there,”–here the angels return Adam Qadmon–“because it’s infinite, and one would lose oneself [as merging with a cloud]: one would dissipate.

“Yet one wouldn’t actually dissipate! This is the Infinite Source: this is the source of All Things. This is the reflection which the sphericity must bind itself in, in order to Know Itself most deeply!”

I’m trying to remain magnetized to the line to the portal to Adam Qadmon, and compassionate. The angels remind, “This lotus-rose symbol will be a servant to you.” I ask the angels in particular how might this wonderful world of Adam Qadmon also be compressed into this symbol, and recall aloud how the angels are represented by the bee upon the portal to the world of Adam Qadmon, which is within the blossom of the flower.

The angels say, “Is not the very magic the finding of the space which allows All Things To Happen?” The angels refer to the stamen and pistil of a flower, which allows for reproduction to occur, and all of this happens due to a good amount of space and its correct configuration, for this perfect unfolding to occur. If one were to compress the Vast Infinitude of the world of Adam Qadmon within this symbol: it is of the nature of the flower to reproduce itself, and to be constructed such that all of that can happen. Here the angels dwell on King Bynepor of the Heptarchy who, being associated with the expansive and reproductive powers of Jupiter, is also hailed as first among the equals of the Heptarchical kings.

Here I see a line moving through this space of the flower, but it seems to curve. The infinitude of the world of Adam Qadmon strikes my consciousness–and here I once again try to remain in accord with the straight line toward the world of AQ, and the angels exhort me: “Just stay magnetized to the straight line, don’t try to force it! If you are magnetized toward it, then the entire path that you follow in life is essentially curved. It is only curving about the many spheres of individual consciousnesses that you travel through.

“You are traveling about the spheres that other individual beings find themselves in. They may consider those spheres to actually be Black Iron Prisons, or they may consider them to be like unto the rules of correct living [e.g., a white cube] in order to be a good person, or just trying their best to do the right thing, trying to ‘paint the outside white.’

“Yet the point of all of this is that the straight line whereby all of us actually walk–if you were to place this about the Great Sphere of All Consciousness, then we are all actually merely following a straight line [i.e., the shortest distance between two points on a sphere]. If we just magnetized ourselves to the overall straight line [of the world of Adam Qadmon], suddenly, every single thing that happens in our life is to be detached from, or to be experienced but not suffered, or to be suffered but to be suffered gladly, because there is no resistance to the path that one is already on.” By this, in so doing, in fully surrendering to this line, I’m being shown rainbows from earlier today, and I’m being shown that in fully surrendering to this line, the natural self is always being bowed to, and so one truly is an Ipsissimus.

The angels say that this is enough; there’s more that could be delved into, but this is for the higher Aethyrs. The angels note just how much I’m compressing across vast chunks of Aethyrs right now; the angels are gaining speed, as it were, and all of this consciousness is dilating and expanding at the same time, “so everything that you need to wrestle with as a human being is presented to you and there are patterns and your mind is able to do skip-logic out to a later lesson, and it must be dealt with as it thus naturally arises.”

Thus ends the vision.

Gebofal, Day 20

Sunrise: Call to Aethyr of ICH (twice due to a lack of concentration the first time). Call to King BALIGON after Stenwick’s method. Once again, though I may have not made it clear from recent visions, I am generating compassion, and sitting astrally upon a throne. I align all seven chakras concentrically, and the legs of the throne are an exact cube. I also call on the seven angels of today (3 zodiacal kings, 3 governors, and the heptarchical king), in rounds of seven (I’ve been doing seven rounds more or less from the beginning).

The angels open a zipper, and I see an eye from the separation of fabric. It’s a catlike or Sauron-like eye, and I’m drawn/pushed/pulled towards it. I enter the iris. About me is red. I concentrate and show compassion. The red pours into a figure in front of me, and it’s the Flash, an evil version of him (as opposed to all the other speedster villains, let alone his complete Rogues gallery!). This version runs around me, and I’m just having compassion for all of this showing up in this very dispersive way.

I pause to call on the angels; doing so two more times in addition to the seven times I called on them earlier seems to do the trick. This seems to have taken me to the opposite side of the eye, the retina, and they open it like a door. White light pours in, and I’m bidden to walk forward, which I do.

Now I’m at a halfway point, and I see (in the white light in front of me) computer code characters like from The Matrix. In front of me, it’s flowing upward (exalted knowledge), where as behind me it descends into this black wave or goo (the angels confirm that this is Choronzon). It’s like where I am it’s literally looking like a “mouth of the Abyss.” There’s this big cresting black of information, looking like a “heavy” (tall, surfer-worthy) wave, sort of held in this position as from a force-field, and I’m in the spot where it would normally be about to crest and knock me over. On the other side is light and well-ordered information. And all of this is being exchanged in an orderly manner, basically on account of the latter. This is the maximal height of the infernal realms, I’m told–but no further. The green bits of code themselves, and not the infernal portions, get sucked into the white part.

I have compassion for all of this. It’s very wild. I stay enthroned, and the angels remind me of the checklist: enthroned, compassionate towards all I see, all possibilities that were or could have been, and to continue to do this across all of time. At this point, it’s probably to try to condense all of this into this lotus-rose symbol. It will seem like unto mud at bottom, if you hold it there, and like pain if you hold it at the stem, and the blossom will always be attached there.

But now the angels are telling me to progressively move inward from the sepal to the petals and finally to the very center of the bloom. I see a bee emerge from the flower. It reminds me of my first trip through the Aethyrs, but even the bee within the flower could sting me, but only if treated badly.

I’m taken now, by a caped superhuman character (I’ve been watching Invincible on TV lately). It’s like I’m being tested, so he punches me several dozen times quickly, but this is more like additional subtle body therapy on the being’s part. I maintain concentration, and offer the hero a lotus-rose, and he disappears. The angels disappear, and it’s like my subtle body had simply absorbed the energy of the punches and sustained no trauma.

Noon: Similar procedure.

I see a smile, and it’s Venus flytrap smile, and it approaches me and swallows me. The overall shape of the mouth which swallows me is spherical (note: see previous visions on the black sphere) but I’m swallowed into a white space, not into a belly.

The angels suggest I begin fusing previous symbols. The cube of the throne is simplified into its 8 corners, which are now the thorns on the rose. The concentric spheres which were my chakras can now be the petals of the lotus-rose. I hold the flower by its sepals, and a few of the sepals seem to unfold like inviting fingers; I decide to put one finger out and it curls around my finger like an infant finger does.

Yet for the rest of my hand I continue to hold the flower about the stem, but ask the angels whether I ought to hold it in a higher location. The flower itself sways about the stem like Baby Groot. There’s something about the bee in the center of the blossom, now. It comes to sting me below the right eye (again such an eye would see good, whereas the left would see evil). The bee takes its hat off (yes, it’s wearing a hat), and flies back to the blossom.

The gold-and-black remind me of Tiphareth and Da’at, respectively, with the latter being associated with “crossing the Abyss.” Thus this could represent the path of Gimel between Tiphareth and Kether, which includes Da’at. Nonetheless I’m also reminded of how they transport and sometimes eat pollen and collect nectar. Finally, I recall from a previous vision that the angels likened themselves unto bees of the Divine’s projects, often leaving structures for humanity to use.

I continue to process the many qualities and activities of bees. In this context, bees gather from the heart. Now, the angels say, is a unified symbol which can be used to integrate this into an entire angelic system. This is how things ought to go, they say. The angel is at the center, at the apex. The remaining symbols can be fused as follows. The square pyramid (by extension, the regular octahedron) is like unto the stem (because it is a dual polyhedra with the cube), and is the difficult work it takes to create this sort of awareness out of suffering. The lotus is like the symbol atop the pyramid (recall we saw this as a sphere earlier), the spiral about the earth is like the lily of the lotus, again in a roughly teardrop shape. All of this works fractally, up from the “world” of an individual person to the entire planet or even universe. At this last level, the bee merely sits upon this apex of the collective heart of all, resting within this glory, which is the heart of the Divine.

This apex shows an opening all the way across the Abyss into a very narrow window into the world of Adam Qadmon. I can see directly across the Abyss, and there’s this portal or wormhole awaiting for me at the very end, and as I get to LIL, I can see, all will be much more apparent. It dawns on me to scry a sevenfold LIL (“Madriax dspraf LIL de LIL de LIL de LIL de LIL de LIL de LIL”: “O you heavens which dwell in LIL of LIL of … of LIL”) at the very end, and the angels say yes, but to save that for the evening, which will lead to me saying the name of the heaven seven times in all. Audible! I express my gratitude.

I see a hawk about the wormhole and the bee is trying to fuse with it. It reminds me of Aiwass and Heru-Ra-Ha. I’m trying to see more about it, and I’m trying to concentrate into this point to see more. It will be grokked, the angels inform me. The only way to see into it is to cross the Abyss, so I’ll save that for tomorrow and Sunday.

The vision ends.

Sunset: Similar procedure. As with last night, I have to repeat the call twice due to poor concentration.

I’ve noticed a distinct group effect to this ritual in my social circle, so I do my best to hold them in spirit as I focus on the lotus-rose during this part of the ritual. Energy is coming up off of the leaf and the seal. There’s a strong emotion to continue to hold on and complete this task due to this group effect arising in me, and I know that tomorrow will be the climax of that, and I’m tempted to look ahead to Sunday when this part of the ordeal will be over, but I see Babalon smiling at how I have no idea what I’m in for on Sunday.

The energy of my arms is quite noticeable, a rising energy, and now it seems to flow from my torso into these arms and into the hands and finally is raised in a vertical plane of energy into the heavens. I see quick visions of what I’ve seen before: I pass through the eye of Sauron, past the wave of black goo full of green Matrix computer code, and fully into the whiteness, or at least the first two are behind me. Here, this whiteness, is the Abyss. It’s white because of how tightly I’m holding onto the heart, and I’m being given a lot of support to do so, and express my gratitude.

Now a welling-up of emotion towards those who I’ve had raw emotions about today: friends, acquaintances, and now even people from long ago. I force myself to hold them in my focus and the pain I’ve caused them through so much Will (now I remind myself that my experience of the nature of dukkha won’t be like this all the time). I want so much, because I am intensely aware now of all of the energy of the sum total of any and all bad behavior I’ve ever done, because it’s condensed into this moment, yet it’s combined with all of the people who are harmed by all of the harm done by Anyone, Ever and at the same time, it is this vast cosmic energy, and I see myself as a Cosmic Unity of Raw Pain of Sentience, like me in the position of Batman holding Jason Todd, but instead it’s me like an Alex Grey painting, and I’m in full cosmic color holding a limp, departed soul and looking upward, Pain on my Face. Yet I’m still holding this same compassion and trying to hard to relax, though my heart chakra and mind race at 100 miles a minute through the agony of It All–

OK. This is it, and it’s okay. It’s okay, and it’s perfect as it is, and any other project notions of perfection that you may have: the act of thinking them is itself perfect.

Now I feel some energy on my two shoulder blades, and there’s like some miniature psychic surgery going on to my heart chakra. Now I see something like unto a squid but beholding it now, I see that it is like a jellyfish, but actually is, an eyelid forming full 360-degree circle of eyelashes, with no eye. I don’t know what to say, and perhaps there’s nothing to say to such. The skin makes a bubble and it uses its eyelashes to make a circle on the whiteness and then enters it, and upon its eyelashes, the skin making an elegant half-sphere.

There’s a real opportunity here for Grace. This is the intelligence and perhaps what can be considered the heart of the Abyss, and I hold compassion for it. I see a drip into a sphere of water, like slow-motion. The angels say that I need to be able to grok this. “Reach in and grok this without disturbing it.” The sense I get is ignorance, which means “without knowledge” but specifically without gnosis, a spiritual, illuminated knowledge of one’s own Divinity, which is the kind of knowledge that should immediately trigger Understanding of Binah. The issue here–and here I get something of a warning look from an older man with an inner head-strap set (such as you would see on older astronauts) and glowing blue, laser-vision eyes–and here several words come to me: violence, turning-over, schism, splitting–none of these are right. I recall the origin of Chokmah as an input-output necessity created by any neuron, the first time I scried ICH a couple of years ago. The original input must by necessity be transformed.

Now, at the universal level, what the angels are talking about is the transformation of reality from one moment to the next. If you reduce the universe down to a series of space-time stamps, one instant to the next, and these to be like 3D versions of frames of a film and put them in order, then from one moment to the next, Da’at is like the sum total of all of the rules which causes the spacetime transformation. It is an absolute, with no regard for whether one is a human being or an atom of hydrogen on Jupiter or a photon being absorbed in that instant by a neutron in a neutron star. It’s an absolute enforcement of all of the rules enabling this transformation. Note that here we have both time and space, suggestive of Binah and Chokmah, but stripped of awareness or sight of its own Divinity: such a tragedy! I reflect for a moment on the Tree of Life about how it could go from Geburah to Chokmah.

This is why it’s so difficult to get into the higher sephiroth such as Binah: if you want to Understand why a Divine principle works, it must be absolute and to your core, whether you Like it or not, or what you may have Expected it to Be or not, or like something you were Taught in School or not. As far as the Meaning of this is concerned: this may be sum total of the rules, but getting into the Why the Rules of why things are like this in the first place is when the individual is stepping into the Supernal rule. Because Da’at offers no reason for them here.

Now the Leaf is almost done, so I return to the circular eyelid. I love it and I accept it for what it is, and with that, it passes outside of its circle, and I walk into, through, and past its circle, and through a door, symbolic of my encountering the Abyss itself tomorrow. I’m seeing how certain things want to be revealed and understood at each Aethyr and am respecting this. I ask the angels, the zodiacal kings and governors, and King Baligon, whether they have anything else. They give me the lotus-rose to me, and it scratches my face, and I’m holding it with half of my fingers on the inside of the sepals and being held by them, the other half still holding it from the outer parts of the sepals.

The vision ends.

Gebofal, Day 19

Sunrise: Call to Aethyr of LOE (“Low E”). Call to King Bynepor.

The angels unfold the same fan from previous visions, and show a spiral within it, the same symbol as yesterday. They’re not adding to it yet, they say. I try not to be overly distracted. I pour out lovingkindness. Now the fan is 3D, and the angels say to extend the fan out in all seven dimensions that I’ve seen thus far, which I do, and they suggest an 8th and a 9th (the Ogdoad, the Ennead, and the Decad). Getting through to the other side, they say, is getting beyond these seven dimensions and into the eighth through tenth via Binah, Chokmah, and Kether, respectively. The eleventh, they say, is the world of Adam Qadmon, writ large.

The angels say that to shoot for the world of Adam Qadmon is great, and they’re trying to develop a means, a subtle body with a realization that can do this. The angels say not to define this by the negative: right now my mind needs to concentrate a lot in order to step past the abyssal nature of much of what I’m seeing, but this will be beyond that and transcend it. I maintain this poise, but I see the same cross from a previous scrying session in ZIP, extending out a bit. In that vision, I saw a cross like unto the 3D Cartesian axes, light blue in color and with electric kinds of hairs emerging from it. Now it’s extended out like unto the elongated rhombus, pale yellow or beige in color, with more lightning-like electricity rather than simply hairs:

Rhombus with electricity as described above–electricity shown only on one length for simplicity’s sake.

The angels suggest that I incorporate this into the symbol from yesterday’s vision, which is proving to be a little difficult for me at this point. This increasingly complex nature that gets revealed after the Abyss is not lost on me (unfortunately I’m unsure whether I’ll be able to do my best work here, but let me see):

Unifying both previous symbols

The angels are really going for it here. They say that the elaboration here is important in one degree, but in another way it is not. Someone can grok this via following the steps to realization. It’s sort of embedded in the earth, but sort of coming off of it; the four arms come down to create the sectioning such as with orbs held by monarchs:

Globus cruciger, colors not exact.

I see the colors in a pastel yellow or a beige, and the angels say that this is because it’s the empowered Ain Sof Aur. All of this, the lightning, is shown without the means of manifestation, it’s a more raw representation. The angels remind me to try to see this as not just Ain Sof Aur, but also Ain (emptiness or the empty mind, which is unbounded) and Ain Sof. I try to see this with the heart of compassion, and BANG! it’s like I’m sucked up into it! It reminds me of the effect of the Tardis floating around in Doctor Who (I don’t watch the show, don’t email me about this).

This itself proves to be a distraction, which I compassionately push past. The angels take me up into this Adam Qadmon realm. I comment about the importance of concentration and compassion as I’m taken up. The angels end the vision somewhat abruptly, saying that this is the limits of the Aethyr that I’m in, and that these limitations will all go away when I get to the final day of gebofal. I feel very much changed by this, which is of interest since this is still technically a pre-abyssal aethyr, but I may be biased on account of having already traversed the aethyrs before.

Noon: Similar procedure.

Right away, I’m pulled up, and I maintain compassion throughout. I see a skirt (in a safe-for-work sense), of a woman, kind of a casual 50’s style, and she’s twirling and being treated very well. The skirt is dark, and has some reddish upon it, and is like blood vessels going into a tissue. This is fractal, and these vessels all seem to originate from a heart. Again, this imagery of the heart, and I’m told this heart feels like a heart that is dancing, full of joy and wonder, ensconced in a being who is dancing.

This is Babalon, this is Binah, the angels tell me, and She is dancing and joyous, and She is treated like a Lady, as an equal being, as an entity worthy of love and affection and adoration, which of course She is. I’m having compassion for everything about me, Her included, the entire room and the context She is in. She extends her hand to me, and this is the Courtship of today, tomorrow, and Saturday, until Sunday in which She may be revealed. This, I’m told, is why King Bobogel was said, because he is of the sun, and in some ways the counterpart to her, he is said to hold all dear.

We begin dancing. It’s the sort of ballroom dancing you would expect in a casual environment. There are people around me who are clapping, and I extend love in all directions. Now there’s this gigantic, beautiful axe which comes down through the room and splits it and us into halves, and we all return again to our form and split apart again. I’m having love for even the axe and this splitting.

This is Ain, this is the force of Ain, and I see this as a beautiful vibration. I begin twirling up, (I emphatically declare as I see): “AS IF I AM HER, BUT I AM ALSO ME, AND WE/I, WE/I BEGIN TO ASCEND, AND SHE KISSES THIS FORM AND LIFTS ME UP AND BIDS ME FAREWELL, IN THE FULLNESS OF HER LOVE, AND I AM LIKE UNTO A SPIRAL AS I ASCEND IN THIS MANNER, AND I SEE STARS ABOUT ME.



The vision ends, and I am out of breath.

Sunset: Similar procedure. Note: I was extra energized this evening, as my restored health, and the knock-on effects of the prior vision, intoxicated me a bit.

I feel as though I am breathing in the room I am physically sitting in, and it seems to bend towards me during the inhalation and away as I exhale. There’s a biological feel to the vision. I see a V, which is the outline two lungs. I’m within Binah right now. She asks me to contemplate the Temperance card for a moment. Unfortunately for a bit I get sidelined, as the Strength card comes to mind; this reflects my chart but is an error. I have the presence of mind to confirm the Strength card and when I do, Binah‘s word, “Temperance,” rings in my ear again (dispersion is an error in these Aethyrs–always check your understanding, kids!). So I make all the correct associations with the Strength card, but after the correction, I do the same task for Temperance. This is an excellent symbol for the HGA, as the classical elements are clearly balanced here, and the exalted solar suggestion of a rising sun (note that the sun is still in its sign of exaltation). I note two lily flowers in the background and take them to be signs of enlightenment.

I pause to take in two long breaths, an 8-8-16 and a 9-9-18. During this interlude, I have visions of cartoonish characters, homeless, who melt like wax figures into rainbow puddles. It’s vaguely disturbing.

The symbolism of how the preceding relates to the following is left as an exercise to the reader:

I try to stay poised and true to the compassion of the heart again. Now I see Babalon in a Shakti-like form, many-armed, but now I correct myself and think she may be Kali, but now she seems more like Lilith, and she seems to take on a serpentine form and she multiplies, encircling me. I express compassion towards the rules causing Her to appear before me in this manner. This reminds me of my asking people about alienation on Twitter recently, and how Lilith was this figure, especially when in the social astrological houses. I continue to have compassion for the rules bringing me here and her here together like this. There’s this strange friction, and I see incredible light being achieved as a result. It looks like photographs of vast galaxies.

I call on the angels for help with interpretation. The angels point out that it’s like the galaxy existing in the way it is right now is coming up against all of the possibilities that could not come into existence. There’s this massive tension between all the possibilities such as they aren’t (all the possibilities that could have been available to us now), and all the possibilities such as have been actualized to this point. And it’s like these possibilities are yelling at me now: “Have compassion throughout! Have compassion for all of these things! Have compassion in your heart for all the possibilities that are not, and all the possibilities that are! Have compassion across all of these!” There’s this very angry feeling, and I’m trying my best, and focusing past the immediate tension to the root cause of all of this, and the root cause of the compassion that I want to have. And this is what I really want to unfold–right now!

And why isn’t it happening?!

And there’s this raw rage emerging, and now something is trying to escape out of my heart, and I don’t know what this is, and it’s trying very hard! And I’m seeing a bunch of armor, and there seem to be two characters, male and female, fighting against each other. The tension continues to rise as I plead with them: “This is real! This is OK! And you are real, too, for wanting it to not be so! And it’s OK!” And…and…it’s like something is trying to be borne from my heart, and … and… it’s like a lily, and a different flower shooting up from the center of the blossom of the previous one, and the last one is…is…it’s not quite a lotus, it’s a…what is this? It’s a lotus-rose fusion, which has these thorns in it. I declare, “It springs from mud, and is painful to touch, and yet it is beautiful and necessary to be held in this way, and if it is understood in this manner, then in such a manner will all be at rest, who hold it.”

And the angels hold me, and ask me to come to terms with this, such as it is. And they know this will take a while. It is awe-inspiring, and it has sprung from my heart. And I’ve been holding my heart, and if my heart gives birth to this, then it is good, and I will hold it. So I feel it scratch my face, and I hold it like an infant, and it scratches my face as it does so, and the scent it gives off is so sweet.

And I feel very blessed. “Nothing more today.” The vision ends.