Podcast Appearance: Praxis Behind the Obscure, Ep. 41

I was delighted to be a guest for a third time on Praxis Behind the Obscure: check it out!

Gebofal, Day 3

Sunrise: Same procedure as Day 2, except calling on King Babalel. Also, filing under “What Should Have Been Completely Obvious,” I place my right hand on the back of Leaf 47 (47b, which is at my right). I have my left foot on Babalel’s seal for balance.

I make the call to BAG. The vision starts with a hallway, which has a CGI feel. There’s set of double doors which I open, which shows another length of hallway with a set of doors at the end. This pattern repeats, and I zip through many hundreds of doors in this manner: these are the doors of the main sequence of letters from this side of the leaf. There are also sets of double doors to my left and right which represent those letters that I used my intuition to write in. I get to the last set of double-doors, which has the letter Van on it (the angels remind me that the first two letters are X & I, i.e., the transliteration of the Greek letter xi).

I open this last set of doors, and I seem to have opened a set of doors into the sky or heaven. I walk around through the sky, and they call it a hidden or alternative or mathematical Merkava. This is in the vein of the Merkava as Dee would have understood them, they tell me. I’m in a “chariot,” which is metaphorical: the chariot can be thought of as a force which allows me to traverse the heavenly realm. It’s bright and daylight; I can see the blue sky and there are clouds just below me.

I repeat the governors’ names: Labnixp, Focisni, Oxlopar. I see a set of 2D spirals, reddish (note that the moon is in Scorpio, thus the luminaries are both ruled by Mars today, which is Tuesday, the day of Mars). They create a square, and they ask me to step into the center of the square. I do so; they note the dimensionality but then say they won’t dwell on it in this vision. Reddish protrusions or perhaps the spirals themselves extend and come at me.

Now I’m at the center of a cube (so now we’re back to dimensionality); they remind me that from the center of the square, six square pyramids can be made, which can be made into three octahedra. This, they tell me, is the Glory of the Trinity. These are the signs of the zodiac in “duality”–the heavenly part and the earthly part, of each sign. “As above, so below,” they remind me. My mind alights on the idea of the fixed stars: “Not this vision,” they tell me.

I look at the three octahedra. They get tall and each forms a loop which come at me. Then I see the octahedra in normal form and they turn around me (counterclockwise from above), and two are shown as under my feet, supporting me, and one I’m holding as a rein. This clearly feels like I’m in a chariot. “This is how an individual can perceive a given moment of astrological influence. One can bring to mind a given planet, which is one of these modalities [cardinal, fixed, or mutable.]” The cube is sort of this earthly existence, the limits of being in one of these three states. One can feel like one is in a Black Iron Prison on account of either the earthly state of affairs itself being in one of these modalities, or feeling as if the strings are being pulled from heaven. Feeling like this would indicate a need for spherical consciousness.

I am curious as to where the chariot is going. I’m taken into a Roman-style stadium. It’s like the final leg of a triumph in the Roman sense. There’s cheering and the amphitheater itself is reflective of this spherical consciousness with the members of the audience being like unto the fixed stars (which we weren’t going to talk about? heh heh). So of course being cheered feels good, but note the emotional pull of all the possibilities which these fixed stars represent. I see a particular light flashing at me from the crowd. I float towards this spot and there’s a king who is flashing this light from a mirror.

The angels tell me to not look so much at what the king was getting me to do, but rather to look back at the center, the chariot. I can see my light body there, and it’s doing a better job of reflecting all of the fixed stars of possibility. I wonder what would happen if I expanded this out to all the places that the stars have been. They emotionally indicate that this is good, so my heart extends out.

Then I think about all of the possibilities that the stars could have been (to quote the Hole song: “My name is Might-Have-Been, my name is Never Was”), and that’s when I can see my heart extend into an amazing light show. This, is more of the rainbow body. I reflect during the vision that this is deep: when we think of possibilities, this is sort of a limiting idea or category. But if we think of all of those things that each possibility could have been, that’s sort of where Nuit and Hadit meet, to use Thelemic concepts. What if, for example, Jupiter had become a star instead of Sol? Honoring all of this in one’s heart and at all the levels of existence and awareness: this is key.

The vision ends.

Noon: Same procedure. Call to the Aethyr of BAG.

I now see the same spiral as show fourfold this morning, but it seems to come from in one form, and as a single point in the darkness. The spiral comes around me and I now appear energetically as I do in the Circulation of Light portion of the Middle Pillar Ritual. They back me up to see this energy field about me from afar and in the context of fixed stars. They mention that doing the Middle Pillar Ritual magnetizes the self, as it were, so that one can become a compass for the True Will, i.e., the particular set of fixed stars. This can, of course, become skewed by an imbalance of the elements, so the importance of the Lesser Ritual of the Pentagram is obvious.

Regardless, the angels have me dwell on the fixed stars, and mention that one can use the MPR to find one’s personal fixed stars, i.e., the “lode stars.” Still, I contemplate this: were someone to orient themselves to their fixed stars, it is a proper thing to do so in order to follow one’s True Will, but this is also somewhat insufficient in two senses. First, what I call “the shifting of the orbit,” i.e., the discovery of additional fixed stars or elements within oneself which causes an adjustment to the True Will. Second, there’s the importance of honoring all of the fixed stars, appearing not only as Hadit and Nuit (which is really just one thing, and not merely the principles of Chokmah and Binah, respectively, leading to each individual’s Tiphareth/sun), nor as their single unified unfolding and enfolding in spacetime as the unified process of Kether. Instead, considering the need to honor the possibilities of possibilities and the world of Adam Qadmon, the idea of the True Will becomes secondary. The True Will continues to speak to the heart and its configuration, but honoring the depths of all fixed stars not only as individual lode stars but possibilities which could have been very different–this is where one honors the world of Adam Qadmon and the unfolding force of Ain.

I ask how I am to honor this, then. The angels point ahead and say that something will come around Leaf 15–which is the fire tablet, the last of the Watchtower tablets, if one starts with the most dense of them (earth).

I speak in an offhanded way about being a good guest to the angels who are hosting me, and they begin speaking about hospitality (note that the single word “host,” which can refer to either a multitude of an army or to one who receives guests, both derive from the word for “stranger, guest, enemy”). They mention that each of the leaves gives me a full day and night as a guest in the heavenly homes which God has created, and that Day 49 is the central home, the home of homes, in the throne room, which I will “never leave” (in status) and tending to the kingdom. The traveling which I do will be as a monarch or viceroy traveling to different realms to tend to whichever realm requires it.

Sunset: Same procedure. Call to BAG.

The angel governors ask me to focus on the feeling of the leaf, and then to focus on the spiral, which was common to both visions. Then the angels tell me to put the feeling of the energy of that spiral into the vision of heaven from this morning. I put my vision there and include my energetic body there.

I notice that I need to put more energy into concentration than I normally would for an Aethyr this low. I interpret this as being similar to dealing with the Aethyr of ZAX–in other words, the sevenfold nature of doing the Aethyr call during gebofal is putting the abyssal feeling much lower. They tell me to focus on the spiral and note the increasing size of the length of a diagonal as you go from one corner of the page to the book and the similar increase and decrease in size of a spiral’s arcs extending out from the middle:

Each of these leaves is thus similar to a fractal. This fractal is not only across leaves (such as going from only 105 letters on Leaf 49 (which is reduced from a small number of words) to 4802 letters on Leaf 2, to Leaf 1b which has letters at the end but which complexifies into words at the top, and finally Leaf 1a which is all words) but also within a single leaf. This self-similarity relates to the “as above, so below” principle of Hermeticism.

I try to relate this to the vision of the Roman-style triumph and to the idea of honoring all of possibilities and how each possibility itself could have been different. This pattern of self-similarity, I realize, is the universe/Divine trying to honor itself and the decisions it has made. Therein is the unity and multiplicity of coming into existence in the manner it has, and the arising and falling of patterns from moment to moment.

My mind alights on the concept of vibration as I handle the leaf in my hand. The phenomenon of vibration honors the idea of development. A vibration is an anticipation of the future, which we then take stock of after the fact. The most important vibrations are those which are meaningful: that makes the difference as to whether development proceeds in a given trend as anticipated. The concept of personal resonance relates to this.

I’m trying to combine the ideas now with the idea of being centered amidst polarities and forces. Fractals shift levels and do so in apparently nonlinear fashion; the idea of accepting things as they are is important, and I see development as a matter of homeostasis, but at the same time, biology speaks of punctuated equilibria. We find these in traversing the heart by attempting to be accepting, so accepting that we pay attention and at times we find, either by natural change or by noticing that which comes to be noticed with our development–we come to notice that which changes how we perceive everything. In such times, it seems like everything changes, and if we’re okay with that, we accept and flow with the change.

These moments are when our hearts feel that they would leap out of our chests into the unknown, because we see our past, our present, our future, our selves, our loved ones, and our world: these we see clearly and anew.